Library

MY BOOK

Book cover: AUTISM PDA, Moments That Changed How I Parent

AUTISM PDA

Moments That Changed How I Parent

25 Real-Life Moments with My Daughter Ruby

Jem and Ruby's real parenting moments and what Jem learned from them.

Read the Book

Available chapters

Real Moments from the book

  1. 1Mum's Not Well & She MUST Come DownstairsSome things simply can't change. Let Ruby be upset without adding more pressure trying to make her accept it.
  2. 2Smelly Mouth Won't Brush TeethSometimes the destination stays the same but the route can change. Slow down and find a way Ruby can join rather than repeatedly instructing her.
  3. 3The Digital Dress Didn't FitNot every problem needs fixing immediately. Sometimes Ruby needs us to sit with the disappointment before offering solutions.
  4. 4The Handheld FanWhen something has to stop, sometimes we can give the excitement somewhere else to go without removing the boundary.
  5. 5Won't Let Mum Go to the HairdressersGood parenting doesn't mean preventing every bit of distress. Mum can still go, and Ruby can be supported through how that feels.
  6. 6He Beat Me to the SinkThe thing that causes the explosion may only be the final straw. Look at everything Ruby may already be carrying, not just the sink.
  7. 7You DON'T Speak to Mum Like ThatUnderstanding difficult behaviour doesn't mean accepting it. Get through the storm first and deal with the behaviour when Ruby can actually hear you.
  8. 8The Winter Jacket in SummerSometimes the parent needs to be more flexible too. If the outcome doesn't really matter, getting our own way doesn't need to be the goal.
  9. 9STOP Riding That Scooter in the House!Resistance doesn't mean a transition has failed. Ruby can be unhappy about stopping without us panicking and piling on more pressure.
  10. 10You Dropped the CatThe right conversation at the wrong time is still the wrong conversation. Make things safe now and teach when there is capacity.
  11. 11Can't Go Out — She's Attached to My HipSometimes independence starts with allowing dependence. Feeling safe with a parent can create the conditions for Ruby to explore.
  12. 12She's Hugging Mum to DeathAutonomy works both ways. Ruby's needs and body matter, and Mum's body and boundaries matter too.
  13. 13Just Tell Me What's Wrong!We don't always need to know what caused the distress before we can help. Sometimes stopping the questions is the most useful thing we can do.
  14. 14Why Won't She Say Hello to Grandma?Some of the hardest demands are the invisible social ones. Say hello. Give Grandma a kiss. Reduce the pressure and the connection can still happen.
  15. 15You MISSED the Bird!Sometimes nobody made a demand at all. Ruby had an outcome in her own mind and reality took it away.
  16. 16Get OFF YouTubeCollaboration doesn't mean agreement. I can hold a boundary Ruby hates without piling demand on top of demand.
  17. 17How the Hell Do We Leave Soft Play?Transitions go better when I help Ruby's mind move towards what's coming next, rather than repeatedly focusing on what she has to stop.
  18. 18But You WANTED to Do This!Ruby can want something desperately and still find it hard to do; my job is to reduce pressure, not add to it.
  19. 19She HAS to Be FirstMy job isn't necessarily to put her hand straight back on the same rail. It's to help her through the wobble without making that wobble even worse.
  20. 20Homework Is a JokeIt means separating the thing I want Ruby to learn from the way I’ve decided she has to learn it.
  21. 21Whoever Started It Needs to Fix ItThe boundary can stay exactly where it is. What might need repairing is the connection around it.